20 January 2012

Some Pings are Better Left Unsent

Unagi Tsukino, piye kabare?

Sounds wrong? No, it’s all about the matter of cross culture understanding. Or, oh well, in other words, I don’t know how to say “how are you” in Japanese. Now you know.

How’s the journey, by the way? It’s been a while since the last time I texted you. The last text that made you upset, the one which ended up with argument. I’m sorry :))

Do you know that since you left I’ve got this thing inside my heart needs to be done? Of course you don’t. You’re busy, too busy to bother me. Who am I anyway? Just a mere cameo who came into your moving pictures and left before the scene even ended. Nothing’s broken though. I don’t know why, but I’m not hurt. Of course there were some times when I feel like tempted to text you, but luckily, up to now I’m not insane enough to do that. Texting you first means giving up. I’ve promised myself not to let myself fall over again for the…, I can’t remember how many times.

The reason why I run to you, is because you seem to be the only one that listens and understands. You’re the only one that seems to care about what happens in my life without me even telling you. I only run to you, because you know what makes me smile and get my mind off things. But, I should have written those previous sentences in Past Tense. Yes, they were in the past. And now we’re apart. But somehow I’m not that hurt. I wonder why, and I wonder about you too. Your life might be great and you don’t need me now. I just want to thank you for putting up with me. And I’m sorry if I can’t repay you for any of that.

I sometimes find myself staring at your picture on my cell-phone’s screen, and wondering if I should text you or not. Always curious on what you’re doing, but too scared to ask. Wanting to text, but always ending up putting down my phone. So if you ever wonder why I never text you anymore, keep in mind that I want you to know I do that for my own good. I’m keeping this emotion I’m having to stay awesome. Like I’ve told you: I’m not hurt at all, even after you’re gone. I keep distance with a reason, but just because I’m avoiding you doesn’t mean I hate you. It means that I might still be wanting you, but I know that it isn’t right or I know nothing is going to happen. But who knows? Someday is a mystery.

So, forgive me for not texting you. Some pings are better left unsent, for the sake of my pride.

January 19, 2012


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